I am a Gen X pastor’s kid that grew up in the snowy northeast. During the 90’s, I sat in a youth group and heard the perils of secular music and was encouraged to burn all my CDs. I was told exactly how far was too far to go physically before marriage. In the throes of purity culture, I was also a victim of abuse at the hands of my youth pastor. (Read more here). 

In 2020, the realization of what my experience with my youth pastor was, caused a bit of a crisis of faith. My husband and I attended Christian therapy both individually and as a couple extensively. There has been no justice served or vengeance paid to the abuser. It’s a familiar tale in abuse cases plaguing churches and faith organizations seemingly without end. Silencing victims, blaming them, taking great measures to protect the abuser or the institution over seeking truth and justice. Church attendance became difficult for me. Participation was at times physically painful. I met with my pastors in 2021 and shared my story. They were gracious and understanding and prayed that our church would be a safe place and a space of healing for me. Most importantly, they believed me. I kept attending church, by the grace of God.

I am a youth leader, mostly serving middle schoolers, under the leadership of a trusted young youth minister. Oftentimes when we serve God faithfully, we reap unexpected benefits from the fruits of our labor. The other youth leaders that I serve alongside are significantly younger than me. Over time, I feel as though I’m involved in youth ministry as much as I am for the youth as I am for the other youth leaders. I look forward to planning meetings, camping trips, coffee dates with my friends that don’t necessarily match my season in life. When I am thinking about a work event, seeing extended family or planning a college visit, my fellow youth leaders are planning weddings, college graduation, or hosting a fun “girls night” in their basement apartments. 

I kept my struggle with church somewhat close, finding vulnerability difficult. I prayed endlessly and thanked God repeatedly for the people that I did feel safe with. On a middle school camping trip in the summer of 2023, one of my young youth leader friends innocently asked me my thoughts on women in ministry. This simple question oddly released a dam in me. I was floored that a 22 year old man wanted the opinion of a 44 year old woman. This is a subject near and dear to my heart, one that I’ve prayed about, read about and talked about at length. I’m not a biblical scholar, and the conclusion of my thoughts on this subject is not the main point I wish to make here.

The conversation that sparked from this question spurred on shared podcasts, articles, books and more. Everything I told him to read, he did. Everything I told him to listen to, he did. It turns out I needed his curiosity as much as he needed my input. The topics of discussion have since grown to include many other aspects of church life and Christianity. Neither of us claim to know all or understand all, but both of us understand the need for the discussion from both of our generations.

During this season of my life, I am settled into a routine of mostly family and job. I get energized and enthused when I see my Gen Z friend talk about the church with a passion I don’t always share. The trust and belief that God is good and his Church is good gives me a fresh hope that I so desperately needed. When I think back to when my pastors prayed with me in 2021, I kept hoping for real community. I prayed that I’d find a safe space made up of people to talk with. I have been blessed with dear believing friends within the church that match my generation. I am so thankful for the shared experiences of marriage, kids, aging parents and more that we get to navigate together as we seek Jesus in all things. But the friendships I have with the generations after mine I treasure deeply. This is the generation that wants to see the Church do better, be better. They are not afraid to ask hard questions. Their hearts are soft to the gospel and knowing Truth. And they are funny. I don’t sense legalism in their efforts to disciple others. Intentionally forging friendships with a younger generation has helped to keep my spirit new and my heart flesh. (Ez 11:14 – 21). I thank God everyday for the way He has me in proximity with these young people and I vow not to squander my influence.